stuberosum's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think too much Hmm, on the weekend talked about many things. Talked about my ex to a girl on messenger which is rather odd given that I haven't talked to her that much and I can only think of a couple of people that I have really talked about her to. So hurrah I get to remember and miss my ex and then I get reminded of someone else I miss which makes me just a little more emotionally erratic. Although overall I still feel pretty good. It was weird how it even came up really. I was trying to think of anyone famous or whatever that I thought was cute and I could only think of Claudia Karvan after thinking about it for ages and the only other person that came to mind was Lea Thompson from the Back to the Future movies who I only really like/have any interest in because she reminds me of my ex. I actually had a Lea pic up on messenger for a while but I couldn't handle it after a little while. Its weird all it is is a pic of someone that reminds me of her and I can't really handle having it there even after so long. Meh. Anyway, on the topic of cuteness I reckon Jennifer Lopez is pretty cute or so I judge from Out of Sight or whatever its called with George Cluney/Clooney ??? eh whatever. Its funny when she was stripping down the comment was made that she has big thighs and to be honest I hadn't noticed I just thought that she looked pretty good. Not in a "you nude you make horny" she just looked feminine and attractive. Although I have to admit when I focussed on them they did seem pretty big. I have no idea when big thighs became attractive to me but eh, whatever. I daresay I wasn't just reacting to her thighs but to her in general. I dunno. Heh, I also said that I find sweetness very attractive to that same girl on messenger earlier this week. And it is so true I hadn't realized how attractive it was until I said it. The kinda scary thing from that is that one of my sisters friends is pretty much sweetness personified and I'm afraid that I will end up just staring at her next time I see her which is likely to be a bit odd for everyone concerned. I enjoy just seeing (not even necessarily talking to) cute/fun/sweet ladies but I'm always left feeling like I should do something more like I am wasting an opportunity. But at the same time I don't really feel like I have anything to give and I also feel like by watching them and/or smiling at them I'm making them think I want more and that is either uncomfortable/annoying for them and they want me to piss off or enjoyable for them and they want me to do/say more leaving them disappointed. I don't know maybe they can just appreciate my appreciation and not worry about anymore. I'd like to think so because surely they don't all over analyze everything like I do. Heh, they probably all just think what the hell is that boring looking guy with the enormous bags under his eyes looking at? I swear I feel like some kind of creepy pervert and all I want to is enjoy a brief glimpse of their beauty/happiness/humanity/whatever. Maybe that is why I enjoy looking at the beauty of the sky - I know it expects nothing of me and I can stare as long as I want and say whatever I want about it and not be concerned that it will taken the wrong way or will not be believed or whatever. 8:45 a.m. - Monday, Jul. 05, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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