stuberosum's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Angst death pettiness Home Mood: antisocial; emotionally tired and fragile/responsive; tired; feeling time pressure and not positive about ability to get things done Evening: with ex roommates brother and sister going through his stuff in the garage, not very talkative, tired, me not them, evening dragged on with me sad generally and that taking on a sadness both about the time taken from rest time and the agony of being in a situation where I should be some degree of responsive and really really not doing it and feeling horrible and useless for it, also being reminded of his death which in all honesty I've not really processed and don't know when I'll feel safe to do so with the added twist of it being his birthday ... All his stuff was at the back of a fairly full garage and I feel like a failure or asshole for not engaging and drawing out these people to let the talk and be loved and engaged over this sad but important topic ... and stressed about getting packing and such sorted for Europe in just over a week General angst and lack of connection with any real feeling of doing right when I probably should feel that but all I feel is rushing unreasoning emotional shifts Perhaps it is the season for a diary Perhaps I need to take better care of my confidants Perhaps I need to cultivate my wife as a confidant I definitely need more sleep and doubt I'll get it ... Oh ye of horrible faith 10:37 p.m. - Tuesday, Mar. 01, 2011 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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