stuberosum's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- what is wrong with me? I don't know why I find this funny, but its going through my head "what is wrong with me?" over and over ... and for some reason the fact that I don't know what is wrong with me was funny ... the more I think about it I can't find the funny parta;jflssssssssssi guysd;f was laughing then suddenly frustration and now "what is wrong with me?" and "I don't know what is wrong with me" ... little smile at the ridiculousness of it and then a sigh maybe its just the sense that I feel like I know what I should be doing and I'd be ok but then I just don't and it sucks and I just ask myself what is wrong with me ... what did I think was going to happen? guess its not all bad to be reminded that just because I *think* I know what to do doesn't mean I can *do* it ... keep me humble and sensitive to others ... make me work harder on what I can do and one day I'll find how to deal with things I can't consistently deal with ... I hope so stop looking for hope in work and stuff maybe too, I don't have it there to find, its not who I am that I value work so highly ... value quality and people and work isn't always about that more illusions to remove from my eyes I guess, more things that I have to just acknowledge and see that I can't just approach life on my own terms any more, I can't expect things to move around me? or something ... I don't feel I want much from life ... its possible I don't put the effort into a lot of stuff, likely, definite ... just the question is what stuff do I need to change on and what stuff do I need to just acknowledge just won't go my way if I try to be who I am ... whatever that means how much can I write and not find an answer today? how much can I not work? that's pretty awesome and won't make me feel bad or regret things at all ... how much will it matter though feel like screaming at something ... just screaming, but I've not the heart for it ... I know it won't change anything I thought I was in balance not too long ago ... really did, what the fuck self? what is wrong with me? guess I don't find the answer today so will have to try again tomorrow 4:23 p.m. - Tuesday, Oct. 07, 2014 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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