stuberosum's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- girls might not be weird after all hmmm getting kinda tired of looking at places ... admittedly mostly looking online but also actually seeing places on the weekends still feeling pretty patient I guess but ... oh and girls arent really weird, that was just me thinking they weird ... guess that explains why the girls + me = match made in heaven thing did not really work well girls are kinda weird I guess but no more than anyone generally although I am pretty bad at judging what is weird not much really fazes me ... well I mean besides nasty surprises of a noisy or in some way seemingly dangerous variety ... those can make me jump ... but saying ... I dunno, pretty much anything, and I'll be fine ... try to work out why you are are saying it to me ... just listen .. you know, whatever needs to be done, not much point freaking out ... guess that makes me a sucky listener at times when people want some kind of response I dont understand how things work at all though at times ... I discovered that someone can being neither a friend nor a potential romance, somewhere in between and quite frankly it fucks with my mind, I hadnt realised how much I liked knowing where something could go ie romance or that it wasnt going anywhere ie friendship both of which are rockin' options but apparently do not cover everything ... and it is not a matter of deductive reasoning proving that it could not be just friendship and it could not be a long term relationship ... I dunno maybe how I just worded that indicates where she goes ... short term relationship ... fucking hell, what am I even talking about? I mean, what does short term relationship mean? sex? cos that is not her ... yeah I'm not sure what else that leaves other than a long term relationship that you dont think will be long term how does that sound like a good idea? the answer is that it does not sound like a good idea at all how does one go about going into a relationship that one does not feel will go the distance without A) being under the influnce of desire(s) of some kind or other than renders sense irrelevant ... not the case here or B) desperation to have someone anyone ... which is also not the case how does one start something even though feeling it is destined to fail? how could I live that relationship to the full? *shrugs* no idea not really completely relevant I guess since the relationship also does not make sense on a couple of practical levels not least of which being the "a relationship between us cannot work" speech having already put on the table I guess it is an experience in new things, a new type of relationship ... which will probably end up being friendship after all ... just wearing a fake nose and moustache to put me off the scent I feel surprisingly good about it all .. and less surprisingly not fazed and flustered by it ... no matter how many times I may exclaim loudly that it just does not make any sense ... its funny even as I am loudly proclaiming that (and I know this from practical experience talking to my Dad about it) I am at peace inside, outside the words bubble and are filled with feeling and emotion and volume ... but within I am just waiting ... waiting til I know what to do ... moment by moment and also in broader terms ... know what to do in each moment and in my overall understanding ... and more importantly my categorisation of this lady :P but seriously ... I spent like an hour in a home maker type place with this girl pieces of china and fuck knows what everywhere and I had a lot of fun went there by myself later that week thinking vaguely about Mothers Day ... and had a headache in 10 to 15 minutes is that a friend thing? like a friend super power? maybe it is her mutual power ... I dunno maybe I've just never had a friend whose conversation could make such a place interesting oh and while I am thinking of mutant powers ... some scenes in Spiderman 3 are just plain wrong SO wrong I swear I can barely notice a beautiful woman now without picturing Tobey walking down the street I think I may have even said "that is so wrong" out loud a couple of times well anyways, House tonight was good, as per usual, even though the whole showing old episodes every few weeks thing is pretty annoying and I am still waiting to get online and play Lord of the Rings Online again cos it wont let me register my product code thing until I can either say I am paying by credit card or til I have game card code to put in as well as the product code ... so much for 30 days free ... 30 days free once you have proven you can pay for at least 2 months or have a credit card and of course they dont have game card in Australia it seems at this point JB HiFi were supposed to have them in today but did not guess maybe it could work out ok since I think I'll be out this weekend anyways so wouldnt be able to play but I really wanted to play tonight :( and I had a little one bedroom unit that I would have liked ... not sure what it was about it but I liked it ... it has been sold it would seem, but then I dont really want to buy anything right now cos I could be able to get a desposit to avoid stupid mortgage insurance in July ... and will have 2 weeks off in late July ... and if I try to move in June I will have to go and have myself spayed because the level of stupidity required to do all that moving and such stuff in June (massively busy time at work) would be proof that I would not be a good parent, in fact could not be. ok maybe I exaggerate slightly ... but only slightly also the last time I moved WAS in June .. on my sisters birthday no less ... and I did not go directly to the vet/doctor then so I probably would not now it has been a long time not writing here or doing anything much like writing guess I have got a bit of momentum/desire/whatever back enough for now I need to go and try to sleep ... I am sleeping crap lately farewell for now sweet internets ... wake me with amusing pictures of kitties with words on them k thx bai ... is that shudder of disgust worth that terrible joke? too late now I guess ... 10:10 p.m. - Wednesday, May. 16, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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